christianity, Faith, new year, Spirituality

And so the Adventure Begins…

modernministrymom

and so the-2

I hope all of you had a beautiful Christmas season! Time is flying and we are about to walk into a new DECADE. A whole new decade. I can barely believe it! Every new year is a world of possibility. There is something so amazing and magical about the energy that surrounds the promise of a fresh start. The chance to do things differently, forge a new path, be a better person. I think it’s pretty cool that the New Year comes right after Christmas. Jesus came to give us all of the things we hope and imagine the New Year will bring. I kind of picture those two holidays holding hands and being best friends. If you really get the meaning of the first, you’re so much more able to live out the second. (And keep your peace when plans or dreams veer off course a little). 

Every year I pick a bible verse that is my theme! 2019 was Deuteronomy 31:8.

“God is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t worry.”(MSG)

November 2016-June 2018 was filled with anguish. We lost vital pillars in our lives to illnesses after watching them battle for over 5 years. I gave birth to our youngest in April of 2017 then struggled heavily with postpartum anxiety for over a year. We changed ministry roles at our church. It was major life change after major life change and I felt like I couldn’t keep up. Now, on the other side, so much of that time is a blur. I honestly couldn’t tell you what my life verses were for any of those years without pulling out old journals and looking. All I knew was that 2019 was going to be a year without fear and anxiety ruling my life. That verse kept creeping in right when I needed it and gave me so much peace over those years. GOD IS STRIDING AHEAD OF ME! I love how The Message puts it like that. Like God is a warrior taking the lead, fighting my battles. I don’t have to have one thought of worry!  It’s so powerful. Gods word is so life giving, I encourage you to add digging a little deeper in His word on your 2020 resolution list! This year was not totally perfect, but it brought so much more peace than the few before it.

I wanted to share with you what God has laid on my heart for this upcoming New Year. We are blessed to be a part of an AMAZING church staff and one thing we do every year that I am so grateful for is our Pastoral Staff retreat. The theme of that weekend for me ended up being “Healthy”. I left feeling a burning desire to have a healthier marriage, and family, a healthier life physically, emotionally, and spiritually. God wants that for us. We don’t have to live a sick, chaotic life even when it seems like that is all that surrounds us. We don’t have to be led by our circumstances. As I’ve been praying in the weeks since our retreat I keep coming back to John 10:10.

 A thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance.

I believe that God wasn’t necessarily talking about abundance in terms of lots of material things, although He can and does bless His children that way. No, I believe He was talking about peace and strength physically and mentally. True joy in our hearts no matter what life throws at us. Peace in the dark times, and a grateful heart at all times. Walking in the abundance that is only achievable when we are filled with and led by His spirit. 

This year, I don’t have a long list of resolutions just this: To be healthy in all areas of my life. To lean on God better and let His abundance flow in my life.

christianity, Faith, Spirituality, Uncategorized

Keeping the Peace

modernministrymom

Keeping the Peace

The holiday season is in full swing! Everyone responds emotionally with different memories, some wonderful and some heart breaking. Isn’t it funny how the holiday season can be such a blessing and such a curse? We love to sing “Peace on Earth” while slowly losing ours rushing from party to play and fretting over the perfect gift while staying in budget. At least this is what happens to me!

My personal calendar during this time of year is slam packed! We have church events, school events, plus finding time to make the season special for our little family. I have found myself dreading these things instead of being excited to spend time with much loved friends and family. I have always loved everything about Christmas, but in the last few years my husband and I have lost very special people, and now there is a sadness that wasn’t there before. It just seems like so much to deal with when it would be easier to stay home with my four and no more. 

Life happens to us all! We all will face heartache, disagreements, pain, on and on. Instead of trying to avoid the negative in life, I want to encourage you to seek out Godly peace. I think it is so important to keep our peace in every season of our lives, especially this time of year. I often pray, “God let there be peace in our home, or in that situation, or at this event”. I love John 10:10 “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” You will here it a lot around here because THAT is such a part of God’s plan for our lives! Not to be overcome by sadness, stress, or anxiety. So How do we do that?

  1. Spend time with God every day: This is the number one thing we can do! It can be anything from a small 5 minute devotion to an hour spent in his presence. If you haven’t started a daily habit it’s never too late to start and no time is too short! We were created for relationship with Him.
  1. Give thanks: This is something I have personally been working on! In our culture we are constantly told that we need more, should look differently, and what we have isn’t right or enough. I have started to fall into the trap more than once, but I am trying to learn to fight it with a thankful heart! It is so hard to stay in a negative mindset when you start thinking about all the things you are thankful for. Learn how to give thanks in ALL things! 
  1. Spend quality time with your spouse, kids, or those closet to you without your phones in hand: It is incredibly easy to be together without actually making true connection with one another. Our people need us to look in their eyes and really see them. And we need it too.
  1. Know when you have reached your limit and say no to the extra without guilt: When we are so busy saying yes to everyone and everything, we aren’t able to say yes to the most important things like God and our families.

We can’t look to the the things of this world to give us true peace in our day to day lives and especially not in our darkest times. Sometimes I realize I have tried everything BUT going to God when I am having a hard time! Why do we do that? When Jesus left his disciples in John 14:27 he told them “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” So whatever season you may find yourself in, I hope that you will seek peace by seeking after God first! 

christianity, Faith, Parenting, Spirituality

Naptime, Pirates, and the Power of Saying No.

modernministrymom

IMG_6152-1

The last week or so if I’m able, I have been laying down with Knight for about an hour of his nap time. I usually do my devotion or read a book, but sometimes I sleep. Every time I do it I fight back feeling guilty that I’m not doing 100 other things. Bronx recently said to me, “Momma, you NEVER play pirates with me!”. Now of course that isn’t true. That “never” is the drama of a three-year-old coming through, but OUCH. I can’t lie and say that his words didn’t immediately fill me with guilty regret. There are many times I put folding laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning up, bath time, insert whatever, ahead of that one on one interaction with my guys. All that other stuff is important. In my family, we (especially Cliff) need a clean and tidy house to feel peaceful in our home. I need it to be kept up so I’m not anxious and overwhelmed. But you guys! Gah! There was something about Bronx saying that to me that just really broke my heart. I’ve tried so hard since then to be more intentional about putting off the chores and putting on the pirate hat and getting on their level. Making sure that we read together everyday. Looking them in their eyes and talking, working to fill their cups up with affirming words.

In this world it is so easy to be blinded by all that has to get done, all the people we have committed to, and all the responsibilities that come with kids, jobs, serving the local church, etc. It can easily make us lose sight of what really matters. And not only is our vision skewed, but we become unhappy. I don’t know about you all but I like to do things well. When I am pulled in a thousand directions I am usually doing a thousand things fairly ok-ish.

I have talked to so many mom friends recently on social media and in person who say things like, “I am so overwhelmed”, “I am so tired all the time”, “I feel like all I ever do is yell”, and so many other similar phrases! ALL of those phrases have come out of my mouth. I know that for me personally there are a few things that lead me to those places.

  1. Lack of personal devotion time- This girl needs Jesus. I am an actual monster if I am not making Him my first priority! It always amazes me how desperately I need him every single day to help make me kind, patient, compassionate, and loving. To be the best me, I need to spend time with and keep learning about Him.
  2. Too much media- I am a social media fanatic. I love it. I glean so much inspiration, I make friendships, on and on. I also love a great TV show or movie to veg out to while cleaning or folding laundry. And more than either of those I LOVE to read. But reading for me is a double edged sword. I am totally absorbed and not even present in the real world when I am reading a book. All of those things can be unnecessary time suckers and if I am not careful, I have filled my day with media and I find myself more impatient, absent minded, and overall not truly present.
  3. Lack of quality time- As much as my little tribe needs me, I need them. I miss my kids when I am not with them. Breaks from motherhood are necessary, but when I am constantly on the go and away from my kids or I am dragging them all over creation every day doing a million little errands, we are all cranky. When Cliff and I have conflicting schedules for weeks on end and only talk before bed for 15 min I am sad and extra needy, because I need to have time with him! Real quality time spent with my people has to happen!

Mommas, ladies, friends…we have to learn to say “NO”. I am important, but I am not so important I can’t be replaced if I say no every now and then. I am not invaluable to any job or responsibility except my family. The only people who can’t replace me are my children and my husband. They are the only people who fully NEED me in the true sense of the word. And that same thing is true about you. Let that sink in for a little while. When I recently started having this line of thinking I was kind of offended, because I like being needed and feeling like I am vital! I like feeling like I am so much more than just a stay at home mom. The truth is that I am so much more, but mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter…those are the biggest jobs. Obviously, I am not saying quit serving at your church, quit your job, and never do anything with anyone but your family, but I AM saying to be intentional about being present for the little things.

The little things are really the big things that are worth everything. I definitely have other stuff I could be doing but nothing so urgent that I can’t spend an hour cuddled close, listening to Knight’s sleep sounds or taking 30 minutes wearing a pirate hat chasing a wild scalawag around the house. I love every season with my boys, but I am already dreading the end of this one. So I’m going to savor it. Sometimes at nap time, sometimes not. And I will always try to remember there is nothing glamorous about being busy. There is nothing superior about having a million things to do all the time. And I will forever strive to follow God in everything, even in His example of rest.

christianity, Faith, Spirituality

New Year, Same God

modernministrymom

I love ringing in the New Year! This is one of the first years we stayed cozied up at home and let me tell you, as an enneagram 7 (anyone else love personality profiles!?) my FOMO was in full swing! Everything feels so exciting, people resolving to be better, the promise of starting fresh. I have spent an embarrassing amount of time on social media the past 48 hours reading recaps of 2018 and hopes for 2019. I love the feeling that anything is possible and can happen!

2018 has hands down been the hardest year of my life. I lost my grandmother, I lost my aunt who raised me, some of closest friends fought unimaginable battles, my own health problems flaring up after years of no issues, and to close it out a few weeks ago I lost my precious pup. (I know some people don’t have the animal gene, but mine is strong and animals are family.) All of it written out like that and it sounds like a bad country song. Thank God I’ve still got the guy!

To say that I have handled this year gracefully would be a flat out lie. I’m sure if my life was a movie, I would be thanking The Academy in a month or so for being able to fake how together I am. I have never slept so badly, worried so constantly, or failed God with my lack of faith so fully as I did in 2018. I questioned Him almost daily. How could…? Why did you…? Why didn’t you…? What’s next? What are you trying to do? How could they…? When is it going to stop? The only good thing I did, the only thing that matters, was coming back to Him. Turning to him even in my frustration and doubt. I knew that however bad it was, without God it would be worse and that, my friends, was definitely more than I could handle on my own.

2018 was an avalanche of pain. I would finally pull up for air and the phone would vibrate with a new drama or unbelievable turn of events . I threw my hands in the air with sarcastic laughter and tears streaming down my face more than once crying out to God, “WHAT’S NEXT!?”. It’s so much easier to tell other people how to grieve or go through valleys. I’ve done it for over a decade as a ministers wife. I’ve prayed with people, begged them not to lose faith. Wait and see! The good the Bible promises He’s working together is sure to come! I truly believed it when I said it, and I still do. My whole life is really just one big miracle from childhood, but for some reason it was harder than ever to believe He was going to do it again. I preached all that to myself everyday. Every. Single. Day. of 2018 I had to consciously remake the choice to trust God when I wasn’t totally sure and definitely couldn’t see with my limited sight and wisdom that He still had it all together.

What I have learned the most in 2018 is that God is so good and so faithful. I know those truths so much deeper today than I did on this day last year. I look back on the darkest times and see His fingerprints so clearly. I have learned that joy is possible no matter how dark or bleak the situation. I have cried so much this year but I honestly don’t remember a time when laughter was so present either. I have begged for peace to come on sleepless nights and felt it settle on my soul like God himself covered me up in a cozy blanket. I’ve always prayed, but this year I learned about a constant dialogue that stops and starts on and off all day everyday. One that was raw and honest and corrective. A whole new understanding of what it means to pray without ceasing and dying to the flesh. I learned about His love for me in a more intimate way than ever before.

There is so much I still don’t understand. I know there will be more pain and heartache in my life that I won’t understand, that will feel unbearable. But I know now that I can do so much more than I ever thought through God. I’ve explored new depths of God’s strength, His mercy, His comfort, His peace, His joy, and so much more. And it’s crazy to think all of Him goes so much deeper than I’ve seen. There is still so much of God I get to discover.

I hope I can be a better wife, mom, friend, minister. I pray that my life points people to God. Most of all I’m going to strive to keep going deeper, relying more fully, and learning all there is to know about the One who never changes. The One who is always good. 2019, I’m ready for you!

Spirituality

When God is in the Chicken Strips

modernministrymom

A photo exhibit byAria Owens

Don’t be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das not good.

I have to be totally open and say that I haven’t written anything lately because I felt like I didn’t have anything “happy” to say. In the spirit of being transparent, if life is made up of seasons, then I am in Hurricane season. And that’s ok. It means blue skies are around the corner, right!? This isn’t a post to complain! I hope it is a post that will encourage.

I have spent a lot of time in my hometown of Columbus, IN lately due to sickness in my family and recently the death of my precious grandmother. While I am thankful I have the ability as a stay at home mom, to travel on a whim and be with my family, obviously I could do without the reasoning behind the travel. One of the things that I love and get very excited about when I head to the Hoosier state is seeing my lifelong bestie, Nicci. I am blessed with an awesome girl tribe. I never thought I would say that. 1 or 2 good friends, sure! A whole slew? No way. I mostly stuck to guy friends as a teenager because lets be real. Teenage girls are 1 of the top 3 meanest things on the planet next to Russian mob members and the Mexican Cartel. Nicci knows EVERYTHING about me and she can look at my face and read me like a book. Needless to say, she took one look at my face a few weeks ago and decided it was a girls night. She is married to the best guy and he kept the kids while we went to Dairy Queen. I am also in a season of eating my feelings, so I ordered my usual Reece Blizzard with extra, extra Reece cups and a chicken strip backset with gravy. We got back to her house and parked in the driveway so we could eat and talk. In the middle of Nicci pouring out heartfelt love and advice, I lost it. It went a little like this…I completely cut her off and I am TICKED. I only have 3 of the 4 chicken strips I paid for!! I WANT ALL 4! Oh, wait. It’s there. It’s just hidden behind the gravy cup. Silly me. Now here is where it gets really interesting. I start laughing hysterically…which very quickly turns into sobbing. Poor Nicci just rubs my back and lets me cry. Like I said, best friend.

I know that y’all have a similar story. Life gets overwhelming, we keep it together because we are grown ups and life needs to be lived. Our kids need us, our husbands need us, there are bills, and your toddler’s screen time to monitor, but sometimes we just have to take a moment and cry! I deal with anything hard in life with sarcasm, jokes, and a fair dose of the ridiculous. It’s just who I am and whether that is appropriate in everyones eyes or not, I like to believe that God gets it and uses it in our relationship. Looking back on my meltdown later that same night, I realized that the overwhelming feeling I had about those chicken strips was that same way I had been feeling about life in general. It was like God was saying, “Don’t worry! I didn’t forget you…you just lost me behind the gravy!” It was so silly. The chicken strip was obviously bigger than the gravy but I still lost sight of it. Isn’t that just how our real life problems are? We know that God is bigger, badder, stronger than anything or any problem that we can encounter but we still let fear and anxiety control us.

…and yet, after all that life brings me, I know of only one thing that is certain and it is that God is still faithful.

If you are in a similar season, know that God hasn’t forgotten you. One of my favorite attributes of God is that he is faithful. He never, ever, ever, ever fails. Trust Him, lean on Him. It can be so hard to let go when we feel like we need to control every aspect of our lives, but that leap of faith is always rewarding when Jesus is the one catching us. There is peace in his arms. Perfect love that casts out all fear. It is impossible to hang on to anxiety when we are resting in peace that doesn’t even make sense or seem possible in the middle of our raging storms. So take a deep breath, cry over chicken strips if it helps, and give it to Him. He never fails.