The last week or so if I’m able, I have been laying down with Knight for about an hour of his nap time. I usually do my devotion or read a book, but sometimes I sleep. Every time I do it I fight back feeling guilty that I’m not doing 100 other things. Bronx recently said to me, “Momma, you NEVER play pirates with me!”. Now of course that isn’t true. That “never” is the drama of a three-year-old coming through, but OUCH. I can’t lie and say that his words didn’t immediately fill me with guilty regret. There are many times I put folding laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning up, bath time, insert whatever, ahead of that one on one interaction with my guys. All that other stuff is important. In my family, we (especially Cliff) need a clean and tidy house to feel peaceful in our home. I need it to be kept up so I’m not anxious and overwhelmed. But you guys! Gah! There was something about Bronx saying that to me that just really broke my heart. I’ve tried so hard since then to be more intentional about putting off the chores and putting on the pirate hat and getting on their level. Making sure that we read together everyday. Looking them in their eyes and talking, working to fill their cups up with affirming words.
In this world it is so easy to be blinded by all that has to get done, all the people we have committed to, and all the responsibilities that come with kids, jobs, serving the local church, etc. It can easily make us lose sight of what really matters. And not only is our vision skewed, but we become unhappy. I don’t know about you all but I like to do things well. When I am pulled in a thousand directions I am usually doing a thousand things fairly ok-ish.
I have talked to so many mom friends recently on social media and in person who say things like, “I am so overwhelmed”, “I am so tired all the time”, “I feel like all I ever do is yell”, and so many other similar phrases! ALL of those phrases have come out of my mouth. I know that for me personally there are a few things that lead me to those places.
- Lack of personal devotion time- This girl needs Jesus. I am an actual monster if I am not making Him my first priority! It always amazes me how desperately I need him every single day to help make me kind, patient, compassionate, and loving. To be the best me, I need to spend time with and keep learning about Him.
- Too much media- I am a social media fanatic. I love it. I glean so much inspiration, I make friendships, on and on. I also love a great TV show or movie to veg out to while cleaning or folding laundry. And more than either of those I LOVE to read. But reading for me is a double edged sword. I am totally absorbed and not even present in the real world when I am reading a book. All of those things can be unnecessary time suckers and if I am not careful, I have filled my day with media and I find myself more impatient, absent minded, and overall not truly present.
- Lack of quality time- As much as my little tribe needs me, I need them. I miss my kids when I am not with them. Breaks from motherhood are necessary, but when I am constantly on the go and away from my kids or I am dragging them all over creation every day doing a million little errands, we are all cranky. When Cliff and I have conflicting schedules for weeks on end and only talk before bed for 15 min I am sad and extra needy, because I need to have time with him! Real quality time spent with my people has to happen!
Mommas, ladies, friends…we have to learn to say “NO”. I am important, but I am not so important I can’t be replaced if I say no every now and then. I am not invaluable to any job or responsibility except my family. The only people who can’t replace me are my children and my husband. They are the only people who fully NEED me in the true sense of the word. And that same thing is true about you. Let that sink in for a little while. When I recently started having this line of thinking I was kind of offended, because I like being needed and feeling like I am vital! I like feeling like I am so much more than just a stay at home mom. The truth is that I am so much more, but mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter…those are the biggest jobs. Obviously, I am not saying quit serving at your church, quit your job, and never do anything with anyone but your family, but I AM saying to be intentional about being present for the little things.
The little things are really the big things that are worth everything. I definitely have other stuff I could be doing but nothing so urgent that I can’t spend an hour cuddled close, listening to Knight’s sleep sounds or taking 30 minutes wearing a pirate hat chasing a wild scalawag around the house. I love every season with my boys, but I am already dreading the end of this one. So I’m going to savor it. Sometimes at nap time, sometimes not. And I will always try to remember there is nothing glamorous about being busy. There is nothing superior about having a million things to do all the time. And I will forever strive to follow God in everything, even in His example of rest.
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